inside the mind of a murderer: Sirius Black
by Emerald princess3
Summary: Sirius is taken to azkaban what goes through his mind while there? read and find out R&R please
1. the Arrival

Chapter 1 the arrival

DISCLAIMER:I don't own Harry Potter or any of the characters OR AZKABAN!

From the first time I entered through those gates,the gates to hell.

I knew it was over I lost my best friends James and lily to Voldemort and Remus to the rumors that I, I Sirius Black ratted them out.  
Ratted them out. Funny choice of phrase now that I think of it.  
The rat was the reason I am now and forever more branded _'murderer_'.

Yes the rat. Wormtail. I should've known better,but please you must understand me. Peter has always been a tag along tailing James and myself. Maybe that should have been our first clue, peter was a follower, not a leader.

Couldn't think for himself, he reminded me of my own family, oh how I despise them. He is the reason I currently reside in Azkaban.  
I look around to all of the faces and realize what I'm in for. I hear the shouts and the screams of those who have gone mad as I pass them afraid to look in the cells.

We've stopped at a cell heavily guarded my Aurors and I'm led in. A pudgy dark haired man follows as I'm made to sit on the metal surface they call a bed. The man speaks. " Sirius Black, you have been charged with the murder of James and Lily potter therefore, you will not stand trial as you were discovered at the scene of the crime.  
He then reads me my rights and leave me to rot in this cell.

Why did I ever suggest such a thing? Maybe I truly am mad. If I had known then what would have happened I, I would have never, oh why waste my breath there's no one here to listen or care about what I have to say for that matter.


	2. The first day

DISCLAIMER:I don't own Harry Potter or any of the characters OR AZKABAN! 

The first day I woke this morning freezing, those dementors passing by my cell as if being here were not bad enough the screams have started again and the sound of the Aurors banging on the cells shouting "get up" through the bars.

They come to my cell last. Klank...Klank Oh the banging its incessant. "rise and shine Black" " m' awake " how could I not be.

The aurors move aside and I feel the the ice form as once again the dementors make their rounds with food.

I can see my breath as they draw nearer I feel as though something is being taken from me, the cold becomes more intense.

They are right outside. Frost appears on my bars.

A small compartment in the wall opens and a tray is pushed in. I could care less as it is my life is over.

I hear someone walking down the hall and they stop in front of my cell. A large blond haired man unlocks my door and I feel the urge to run but suppress it.

"let's go Black you're in the yard today" The next thing I knew, I was being grabbed by the arm and led into the hall, passed the faces of the prisoners, some dazed others confused but all show signs of madness.

We walked down the hall a ways to a pair of double doors from which I could hear arguing and fighting. When the doors were open my fears became a reality the angry shouts of the prisoners physically fighting. A chorus of "petrificus totalus" flew through the air hitting their marks, I felt a push from behind " have fun Black" I turned to face them but they were already gone.

I walked over to the bleachers watching the jets of light fly everywhere I'm becoming nervous as some of the prisoners head my way and I stand I turn my head to see them run. As I turn around again I feel something crash into my chest then I feel my self fall to the ground in darkness.


	3. The Awakening

The Awakening

I do not own Harry potter sirius or anything else.

I'm awake, I lived? It's a miracle. I have yet to open my eyes but hear the voices of the blonde man and the pudgy dark haired one talking to each other about me I expect.  
" what happened to black out there ay?" the pudgy man asked I'm not sure but I think I can hear amusement in his voice.

Slowly I open my eyes only to be blinded by an examination light in what appears to be the infirmary.

I groan catching their attention. "had some fun there ay, Black" the pudgy man calls,  
I remain silent. The room spins, my head pounds as the blonde laughs.  
anger rises up inside me and I try to open my mouth to speak but before I utter a sound a group of aurors appear in front of me and takes me back to my cell where I am uncerimoniously thrown onto the metal bed.

I am left to my thoughts of what has just happened, how I hate them, all of them.  
If only Remus knew he would have, oh there I go rambling again to myself.  
That's all I really have, myself anymore but I wonder, I just wonder how long I'll have that.  
I close my eyes as the cold again makes its way toward me and I suddenly drift into the welcome darkness.

Thanks to all my reviewers. feel free to type to me now.


	4. Sirius Muses

I awoke to the same sound of the shouts of the prisoners and the creeping cold as before. 

The food tray was pushed in, its laden with the gray goo the minister tries to pass off as food.

I take it to the bed and stare at it in disbelief.

I miss real food, the sun yes I miss my freedom, my friends, my Godson. James, Lily, I'm so sorry I should have been there, I should ...don't you remember my promise " if by my life or death I can protect your family Prongs I'll be there" remember?

I wish you were here not for me , for your son he needs his parents.

It wasn't fair, the rat Oh I should have known why didn't I see it before!

Again the wave of anger washes over me. The rat Wormtail, I despise him so.

Oh James I told you one of them was giving out information why didn't you listen.

It's my fault you died it is I believe that I took you from Harry, I press my head against the wall as tears fall from my eyes onto the floor and I want more than anything to lie down and sleep never to awaken.

I think I will, I'll just lie down and sleep now and maybe "ill wake up and this will all just be a bad dream and I'll wake to find myself being shaken and the sound of little Harry calling "paffoot."

I'm sorry this isn't my best.


	5. the dream

The very first thing I'm aware of is that dreaded cold. 

I briefly remember the dream I'd been having.

I had been holding Harry with James and Lily sitting close by, all was well until HE came in.

With a flash, I saw the bodies again, suddenly Remus burst through the door, "Sirius, how could you, they were your best friends"

still holding Harry who had begun to cry I stammered " I...I didn't Remus you...you've gotta believe me"  
but to no avail.

He looked behind him and in stepped the minister. "Sirius Black,. You are charged with the murders of Lily and James Potter" He said briskly.

Harry at this point was ripped from my hands by Hagrid and I found myself calling for him.

I awoke at that point,never to know what happened,only the horrid memory of that night.

The Minister came down the hallway slowly almost leisurely Peering on occasion into the cells.

He stops at mine, a smile on his face,c"Good morning Mr. Black'" He begins I nod "minister" I said calmly.

As he walked on, i had the feeling his heart was not in his statement.

Another day has passed yesterday apart form my musing, passed uneventfully.

I have been thinking a lot about Harry. Is he really safe, did he get there ok, things of that nature but am afraid of my answers, please don't get me wrong, Hagrid is a good guy but nevertheless I can't help feeling that something is not right.

After all had it not been for me Harry would never have left his room. He doesn't really know Hagrid, he wouldn't have gone with him.

Aside from the few Order meetings he's never met Hagrid, yes even at his age Harry is smart enough to not go with strangers.

The dementors have just brought the meals around, well, if you can call it food, tastes like, actually I've never tried anything like it it's absolute rubbish if you ask me.


	6. the escape

I hear foot steps coming my way, again it is the minister with a copy of the Daily Prophet this time the picture catches my eye. The rat, there he was on the front page, quickly I call to him and ask him for his paper and he hands it to me. I thank him and begin my reading. "He's at Hogwarts" I say aloud to myself. 

I began filling with rage at the sight of him oh when I get out of here, that's it getting out of here, but how? I think for several hours and come up with nothing, so as I sometimes do when I am filled with feelings I can barely control I transform into Padfoot and let out a long howl.

To my surprise it brings out the aurors and many dementors " how'd you get in here fella?" a large man asks me before unlocking the cell and I stood still unsure whether or not to go I was confused could they really be that dense? "here buddy," I let him "coax" me out before sprinting down the hall toward the door be fore they realize that Sirius is missing.

As I run I hear someone comment "Black must be in the yard again before they shrugged and left. I never stopped running, too afraid to look back. Once outside I took a running head start into the Ocean, my mind registered the freezing cold water immediately but I tried hard to keep my thoughts on Harry and the rat.

I finally reach dry land tired and weak from refusing to eat that awful slop. I drag myself up on land and collapse breathing hard from my long swim. An elderly man approached me slowly as if trying not to scare me. "Hey boy what're you doing out here did someone dump you off in the water?" I look up at him and whimper, He picks me up I am surprisingly light from lack of food. The man takes me to a small house and lays me down in front of the crackling fire and goes into the kitchen, returning with what appears to be meat of some sort and I eat it gratefully.

In a matter of days I was well enough to leave and I began my difficult journey

sorry it took so long but i hope yu like it .


	7. NewFriends

I felt terrible leaving him like I did, in the dead of night. He had been so kind to me but Harry needed me there was no telling what the rat was doing or planing. He had taken James from me, and I wasn't going to loose Harry. After checking to see if all was clear, I sped off promising myself that one day I would come back to thank the man some how. 

I moved quickly on the sand until I came to a large thick forest. Carefully I moved over the broken branches and twigs trying not to draw attention to myself. Once out of the forest I came to a small town by now the sun had come up and the heat of the summer had been getting to me but still I pressed on. I noticed out of the corner of my eye that the townspeople were staring at me as if they had never met a large black dog.

Some of the children that had come out to play pointed and smiled as the parents dragged them into the house while I passed. A few of them however, one in particular, a little blind girl sticks in my mind. She must have sensed my presence as I walked for she got up from where she sat on the porch with her cane. I heard it tapping on the sidewalk and soon felt a small hand on my head. I was still as she touched my face and, realizing that I was a dog began to stroke my fur gently.

"Hi doggy," I will guess her age at four to five. She was so gentle and so alone, she isolated her self from the rest of the children. I noticed too that only one other girl was by herself crying under a tree. " You can be my friend, won't you doggy?" She asked and I wanted so much to say "yes of course I will" You see, I've always had a heart for children. She wore a purple heart necklace. With the name Sarah on it. Sarah, such a lovely name for such a special girl. I had to do something for her before I left. Carefully, I nudged her toward the other girl. "what are you doing doggy?" "trust me" I wanted to say.  
After a few moments later we were there and I let out a small whimper to catch the other girl's attention.

She looked up and seeing Sarah looked a little shocked but stood to greet her. "hello"she said at last and Sarah who had been petting me, turned around "hi"she answered back slowly. Slow and unsure, the girl came out from under the tree. Again sensing the presence Sarah moved forward holding her hands out to feel this new person in front of her. "my name is Melody, what's yours?""Sarah" "wanna be my friend Sarah we could play dolls." Melody suggested. "Alright Melody that'll be great!" as the girls went to leave I turned to go on my way but turned back at the sound of Sarah's voice. "Doggy, here doggy" She called and I walked up to her.

"Thank you Doggy, I've never met a doggy like you, you must be special, you gave me a friend and I'll never forget you. Here, take this,"she reached around her neck and pulled off the necklace and placed it around my neck. "so you can remember me" She said quietly before kissing my nose. "I'll always remember you Sarah" I thought. Then she went back to her new friend and I continued on my way with a new friend in my heart.

AN: I hope you liked this capter... Sorry about the wait review please thanks :)


	8. Nearly there

As I walked on it really began to hit me how things had changed since I'd been away. I decided to see where the night got me and kept walking in the current direction. Harry was in trouble and I had no time to stop no matter how tired I had become. Harry would be off to Hogwarts soon and I wanted to get a good look at him. I bet he looks like his father, acts like him. I allowed myself a half smile as I thought of James but it quickly turned to thoughts of guilt. If I had been there, had not convinced them to use Peter would I have been able to save them?

Before I knew it I had reached a small town and began walking out from behind the bushes when as luck would have it Harry stood just on the other side of the road. Forgetting for a moment that I was still a dog I wanted to approach him, to tell him who I am. As I stepped forward I realized suddenly that Harry had begun to raise his wand in my direction. I barked in hopes of stopping him and when he tripped over his trunk I ran back into the bushes and scolded myself for my actions. I continued on my way as the knight bus took him away, cursing myself for my idiocy. Once more I walked this time unaware of any length of distance or time that passed. Too caught up in my own thoughts and worries to care I suppose.

I eventually did get into Hogsmead and by that time was feeling tired, hungry and was in need of a drink. I began my search for food round back of the pub there I was hoping that I would find the same kindness as I had along my journey. A dog gets no kindness in a place like Hogsmead. Instead I found myself stealing as much food as possible and praying for rain to quench my thirst. I took the food I had and was off again. I had to get to Harry who I was sure now had arrived at the school. I would eat quickly and head to the forest where I would wait for my opportunity to arise and where I would meet a very clever creature that would know exactly what I was and help me get to the rat.

A/N: I know It's been forever since I touched this but I hope It is still enjoyable.


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